Why my relationship failed (getting it out of my system)

[Andeh13]

Thank you Disturbedguy, have added you!

Yeh, it makes it worse having a daughter in all of this, cant just turn my back & move on. Once i find someone new things will be easier but until then every time i see her its gunna hurt, especially knowing she is with someone else. I am still focusing on the job in september, getting a new car & a mortgage...that's a lot to look forward too, as well as a couple of lads holidays before then. Just got to get through the next 2 dissertations and 2 exams before i am free for the summer!

edit; and G4Z thanks for posting that, It does help knowing im not alone in feeling like this and other people have been through it all and come out fighting. I know I will, but its one side of my head knowing that it is for the best the other side wanting to go back to the good old days. Me living down south & her not wanting to leave her mum's & the area meant she would never lived with me and that would have put us on shaky ground. That combined with me deep down feeling unappreciated it would only have been a matter of time before i met someone else.

[Disturbedguy]

Gaz, as what Andehh has said.

Have been speaking to Andehh on MSN and have to say it has helped alot getthing things off my chest and talking to someone going through the same thing at the same time so cheers to you to Andehh.

This is why I <3 hexus

[MSIC]

To Andehh and DG: Sorry to read all this, although it sounds good that you are able to articulate it. I think that it's the only way that we learn and are able to move forward - whether that is on our own or leads to involvement in other relationships (friendships or more).
I tip my hat to your honesty and eloquence.

Edit: And G4Z too - didnt mean to ignore you dude!

[Zak33]

To Andehh and DG: Sorry to read all this, although it sounds good that you are able to articulate it. I think that it's the only way that we learn and are able to move forward - whether that is on our own or leads to involvement in other relationships (friendships or more).
It tip my hat to your honesty and eloquence.

Zakkly right.. this is the thing.. open honesty brings out the others who are suffering...

Hexus is often funny, sometimes a bit angry.. and sometimes dead sad.. but it's real life

[format]

And people say guys are insensitive!

[Phage]

Just tend to be less expressive.

[G4Z]

To Andehh and DG: Sorry to read all this, although it sounds good that you are able to articulate it. I think that it's the only way that we learn and are able to move forward - whether that is on our own or leads to involvement in other relationships (friendships or more).
I tip my hat to your honesty and eloquence.

Edit: And G4Z too - didnt mean to ignore you dude!

Quite right, I have learned a lot from it. However learing a lot doesn't stop you walking along each day and having your ex pop in your head. have to admit I still think about this every day at the moment (more than usual today it seems!). I would like to stop thinking about it which is why I have been busy trying to find somebody else to take my mind off it. Hasn't really worked in truth but I am thinking its maybe just because this girl isn't right for me. Who the hell knows, if there is one thing I have learned its that I know nowt!

[TheAnimus]

Quite right, I have learned a lot from it. However learing a lot doesn't stop you walking along each day and having your ex pop in your head. have to admit I still think about this every day at the moment (more than usual today it seems!). I would like to stop thinking about it which is why I have been busy trying to find somebody else to take my mind off it. Hasn't really worked in truth but I am thinking its maybe just because this girl isn't right for me. Who the hell knows, if there is one thing I have learned its that I know nowt!

I still sometimes see something that reminds me of a Girl I knew when I was 15/16, who cheated on me, time makes it easier because she was really in an odd place. Thing is I think it was easier for me because this was in no way the worst thing in my life, I was also doped up to the eye balls on pain killers because New Labour had 'fixed' NHS waiting times by spending billions, but importantly, changing the queue from been for an operation to seeing the consultant.... Oh how I learned to love the consequences of the best placed intentions.

When you have something that literally drowns out thoughts due to physical pain (I frequently would pass out, even when on high codeine doses) it becomes a welcome distraction as you can think how it can always be worse.

[pollaxe]

I was just walking through town arm in arm with my new(ish) lady and my ex walked out of an entrance right by us. When we split I was utterly, utterly gutted and thought I'd never bother with another woman ever again. Every time I saw her for many months afterwards it was like a knife in my heart. At the time she told me she 'Couldn't do relationships..' and then when I saw her on the arm of another guy with whom she went on to have a kid.. well, suffice to say I didn't feel good about it. Cue much introspection and soul searching angst whenever I (very rarely) had the mischance to see her.

Today my first thought was "Hell, she's got fat!" (She isn't but is a lot fatter than she was.) I honestly felt nothing except a very heartening sense of amusement. In fact, I'm still grinning now and telling you lot. My point is, not to gloat (though it does feel nice) is that really the old truism/cliche of time heals is true. I went through hell over her and now she barely registers on my radar. It's tough while it happens but you do come out of the other side stronger. I hope you guys have a similar experience and a lot sooner than me.

Edit: strangely, when she saw us her eyes went straight to where our arms were linked and I could've sworn her face dropped. Weird. Anyway, I've wasted enough time/thought on her for one lifetime!

[Lucio]

The end of relationships is never easy I'm afraid, even months or years later you'll still get the "what if's". Based on my experience with the breakup of my marriage, I'd tell you that it's easiest to minimise contact with her, hard with your daughter being involved, but it's best for you. Maybe you can do the custody visits via a third party?


I wish I had things to tell you to make it all better, but quite frankly they'd be empty words mate, you've already said most of what you can do to try and help yourself cope and beyond suggesting going out and getting utterly drunk with friends there's not a lot left to do. I can only caution you not to get yourself into a trap of trying to get her back (which I don't think you really want anyway), especially not for the "sake" of your daughter, it'll hurt her more in the long run as kids can tell when adults are feeling resentful to each other.

[G4Z]

Wish my ex would get fat... but I doubt it because she is training to be a fitness instructor. Maybe this new bloke will turn out to be a feeder.

Still, at least now im proper fit with a resting heart rate of 58 and I now look pretty damn good naked.

[Disturbedguy]

G4Z tmi..seriously .
But im on the same route at the moment..get fit and lose the fat!

[G4Z]

G4Z tmi..seriously .
But im on the same route at the moment..get fit and lose the fat!

Well I hope you achieve what you want mate, definately makes you feel a lot better about yourself I have to say and there is nothing like the motivation of trying to impress new women folk to keep you going.

[Disturbedguy]

Well I have los thalf a stone so far, but keep picking up injuries that prevent me from doing much, but its all part of getting git.

[pollaxe]

here is nothing like the motivation of trying to impress new women folk to keep you going.

QFT.

When my mate and I were both coming back to running after some injuries, a long part of our route took us through 'crop picker country.' This is where you see a lot of very attractive, very fit-looking Eastern European girls who work in the fields of Herefordshire.

They very rarely speak, but so many times we were on the point of quietly toppling into a ditch and having a soothing cardiac arrest or three when a small group of the above women would hove into view around a corner. Suddenly my mate and I were transformed into steely-eyed Olympians with tireless hydraulics for leg muscles and each with the heart and lungs of an ox. Our pace would quicken, our jaws would tighten and we would leap past them like antelopes, every step imbued with contempt for this piddling little run in the country. Until they were out of sight, that is.

I like to think those girls really helped us get back onto the path of fitness. They certainly helped with the mileage

[Disturbedguy]

Hahahah well I go gym, wouldnt run round my area, far to rough!

But there are ladies in there that dont half make you erm..perfom.

I used to do cross country running, so will I am unfit, I still have some of that stamina and I am getting it back. I suffer from shin splints so any run is painful, but I am aiming for 20 minutes on the treadmill next time I go!