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Thread: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

  1. #865
    sneaks quietly away. schmunk's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Yer map's wrong, Stew...

    Australia ain't incontinent.

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Tis.

  3. #867
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Meh... it's an USAian site, so it would be that way.

    And the continent is Australasia, so your one is wrongeded too

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Dude, the map aint wrong. Australia and the bits around it are purple, if you look closely.

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Okay then... wrong terminology, even if the anatomy is right

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    And anyway it's not my map, it's something I linked to on Wikiikikikikipedia.

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Not my map neither, linked from xkcd

    xkcd > wikipedia

  8. #872
    Welcome to stampytown! Salazaar's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by JK Ferret View Post
    Not my map neither, linked from xkcd

    xkcd > wikipedia
    But Uncyclopedia > XKCD



    http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Australia
    ____
    (='.'=)
    (")_(")

  9. #873
    Cute Member Hunain's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Orite, im gna post a joke It might not be funny for most, but it had me laughing

    A new sales man joined a mall and soon made huge sales and got the attention of the owner, the owner decided to go pay that young lad a personal visit and see what was it all about, so he went to his mall, he saw the young lad dealing a customer, selling a fishing rod apparently, so the owner decided to stop and watch...

    Salesman: Sir I hope you enjoy your fishing trip, and i hope you do have everything you need!

    Customer: Thank you very much, I think this rod will do the job fine!

    S: Sir you do have rubber boots dont you? otherwise the water would quite certainly ruin your shoes!

    C: Oh! I didnt think of that, good idea, ill take the shoes too!

    S: Sir, good choice, but I must say you'll need a hat too, you dont want to be standing in the sun all day without protection now do you?

    C: Oh yeah, right, I guess ill need the hat too!

    S: Sir, where do you plan to keep the big catch? surely you do have a basket for fishing, or would you like me to advise one?

    C: Ah..yeah, I think i need a basket too then..

    S: Looks about right sir, you have all you need, oh, by the way, you'r going to be waiting a long time for the catch, would you like me to pack a few snacks for you? we have a great selection here!

    C: ah yeah, that sounds nice!

    S: looks like you've got it all now Sir, that will be 1,199.

    The customer pays and leaves with all his gear etc

    The owner, very impressed comes up to the lad and congratulates him, "WOW, that was impressive, the guy came to buy a fishing rod and you sold him alot more!" The salesman laughs, " No sir, actually he came to buy Stay-free ultra thin pads for his wife, I just told him, Hey, what you gonna do at home for 4,5 days? take a fishing trip "
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  10. #874
    Efficiently lazy shadowmaster's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Hung Chow calls into work and says, “Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.”

    The boss says, “You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.”

    Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. “I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon… You got nice house.”

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.

    ‘Not yet momma,’ said the little boy.

    His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

    He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

    ‘How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?’ he asks.

    ‘Well,’ his mother says, ‘I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.’

    Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: ‘Are you going to tell him, or should I?

  11. #875
    Pseudo-Mad Scientist Whiternoise's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    I got home tonight to discover thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.

    Dirty Bastards.

    ====

    Paddy is being interviewed for a job in the Metropolitan Police Department,
    "Paddy....you are undercover....it's the middle of the night....your cover is blown and you're being chased by a car full of terrorists at 80 mph.....what should you do?"

    "Uhhh......90 mph" said Paddy.

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    I really hate the way women moan about the pain of childbirth.
    They should try waiting nine months for a shag.

    ====

    Once upon a midnight dreary, while i porn surfed, weak and weary,
    over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'.
    While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning,
    and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour,
    " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"

    ..... quoth the server, 404.

    ====

    A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.
    "Well sister, this looks pretty grim."
    "I know, father."
    "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."
    "I agree."
    "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"
    "Anything father."
    "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."
    "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."
    The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
    "Sister would you mind if I touched them?"
    She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
    "Father, could I ask something of you?"
    "Yes sister?"
    "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
    "I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.
    "Oh father, may I touch it?"
    This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
    "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."
    "Is that true father?"
    "Yes it is, sister."
    "Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and lets get the hell out of here."
    Last edited by Whiternoise; 13-11-2008 at 06:21 PM.

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  13. #876
    handscombmp
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    This will stop you wanting to go swimming in the sea...

    When a male whale ejaculates up to 40 gallons of sperm is released. Yet only 10% make it into the female whale.
    And you wondered why the sea tasted so salty

    Whats the difference between a tyre and 365 condoms.
    Ones a good year and the others a flipping good year!

    Last edited by handscombmp; 13-11-2008 at 09:01 PM.

  14. #877
    Cute Member Hunain's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    lol!! great jokes guys!
    Homer Simpson: "It takes two to lie Marge. One to lie, and one to listen"
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  15. #878
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by handscombmp View Post
    When a male whale ejaculates up to 40 gallons of sperm is released. Yet only 10% make it into the female whale.
    And you wondered why the sea tasted so salty
    !

    BARF!

  16. #879
    I R Toff Pandi! TAKTAK's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by jk ferret View Post
    !
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by JK Ferret View Post
    And the continent is Australasia, so your one is wrongeded too
    how the hell did you know what?!
    you think Glasgow is in Wales!

    Quote Originally Posted by MSN
    JK: glasgow is wales, i know that
    Me: Glasgow is ******* Scotland!
    JK: what?!
    JK: i swear it was wales
    JK: ...
    Me: EPIC FAIL!

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