Page 25 of 78 FirstFirst ... 515222324252627283545556575 ... LastLast
Results 385 to 400 of 1247

Thread: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

  1. #385
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,514
    Thanks
    373
    Thanked
    292 times in 162 posts

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread


  2. Received thanks from:

    dave87 (24-04-2008),pauldarkside (24-04-2008)

  3. #386
    It's good to be bad pauldarkside's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Cornwall
    Posts
    2,930
    Thanks
    295
    Thanked
    378 times in 259 posts
    • pauldarkside's system
      • Motherboard:
      • ASUS Maximus VI Hero
      • CPU:
      • Intel Core i7-4770K & Corsair Hydro H80i
      • Memory:
      • Corsair Vengeance 32GB (4x8GB) 1600MHz DDR3
      • Storage:
      • Corsair Force GS 128GB, Crucial M500 480GB, WD Black 4TB
      • Graphics card(s):
      • EVGA GeForce GTX 780 Ti Superclocked
      • PSU:
      • Corsair Professional HX850W
      • Case:
      • Corsair Graphite 780T (White)
      • Operating System:
      • Windows 8.1 Pro 64bit
      • Monitor(s):
      • Asus ROG Swift PG278Q
      • Internet:
      • BT Infinity @ 78Mbps

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    lol I guess it's their version of using handcuffs
    My only concern is should I hide my true identity? A costume maybe?

    0iD: Plus weeing in it every now & again does it good
    scaryjim: 10" is just a little large to hold comfortably in one hand, which makes it a lot harder to tap, swipe and generally interact with.

  4. #387
    Ghost of Hexus Present sammyc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    3,323
    Thanks
    785
    Thanked
    496 times in 396 posts

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    how dare 'e

  5. #388
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Cornwall/Weston-Super-Mare
    Posts
    5,337
    Thanks
    438
    Thanked
    308 times in 261 posts
    • Behemoth's system
      • Motherboard:
      • Gigabyte mATX
      • CPU:
      • Phenom 2 X2 555 BE
      • Memory:
      • 8 Gig DDR3 Corsair XMS 3 1600 MHz
      • Storage:
      • 4 TB's Storage
      • Graphics card(s):
      • Gigabyte GTX 460 OC2
      • PSU:
      • OCZ StealthStream 2 600 Watt
      • Case:
      • Silverstone TJ08-E
      • Operating System:
      • Windows 7 64 Bit
      • Monitor(s):
      • HP x23LED
      • Internet:
      • BT Broadband

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Man and woman decide they want to get a female pig, so they go to the pig auctions and buy one. They decided some weeks later that they want to hear the sounds of pigglets running round in their field.

    So they contact their good friend farmer giles, who says to bring their pig over and he will mate it with his orize male. So they load her up in a wheel barrow and take her over.

    The pigs do the business and farmer Giles says

    "You'll know if it's work in the morning, if she's rolling in the mud it's worked, but if she's eating the grass, bring her back"

    So they take the pig home.

    The next morning

    "Well, whats she doing?" Says the wife

    The husband look out into the field and see's she's eating the grass

    "We;ll have to take her back" He replied "She's eating the grass"

    This continues for some five days, so on the sixth day.

    "Well, he must have done the trick now by now" says the wife

    "I dare not look out the window, but ok" The husband walks to the window and looks at the pig "Well I'll be jiggered" He shouts

    "Is she rolling in the mud ?" Quizzes the wife

    "No" He replies sadly "She's sat in the wheel barrow waiting to go back"

  6. #389
    Huge Member Brucelles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Carcassonne
    Posts
    1,756
    Thanks
    56
    Thanked
    203 times in 101 posts
    • Brucelles's system
      • Motherboard:
      • Gigabyte GA-F2A78M-D3H
      • CPU:
      • AMD A8-6600K APU
      • Memory:
      • 16Gb DDR4 800
      • Storage:
      • 1Tb Samsung, 320 Gb no name I can recall, 500Gb Sandisk SDD
      • Graphics card(s):
      • PNY - XLR8 GeForce 8800GTS
      • PSU:
      • 550W Corsair
      • Case:
      • Zalman
      • Operating System:
      • Windows 10 Pro
      • Monitor(s):
      • Samsung S27C590H
      • Internet:
      • Orange Livebox Wireless ADSL - Sucks something rotten, and SFR Neuf box. Sucks less.

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    I was on my way home last Friday, after a really rough night. An ex-colleague’s leaving do paid for by the Bank, so the booze ran free and the food was excellent, but that’s irrelevant, or might not be. Anyway, I was passing through St. Leticia’s Grove and suddenly felt the urge for a dump.

    There’s nothing around but houses with front lawns all lit by streetlights, but I was desperate, so I found a garden with a rhododendron hedge and squatted the other side of it and crimped off a length of chocolate rope.

    Then I had nothing to wipe on. I checked my pockets for paper, but apart from a few large denomination notes, there was nothing. I hopped about and eventually found a handful of leaves and used that. It was not a good experience, but it worked 95%.

    Eventually I pulled up my trousers and turned around to the lawn and WTF?!!? My turd was gone.

    It was a brightly lit street, a smooth, smooth lawn and a full moon to boot so I could not have missed it. I was a bit pissed, so I sniffed one of the handful of leaves and sure enough it was redolent of the great stench of brute. So I had definitely done one, but where was it? I ruled out turd-nappers and invisible coprophages and was left with nothing.

    Oh well. I gave up and went home.

    The next day I was walking to work along St. Leticia’s Grove and thought I would have a butchers in daylight. So I climbed the low wall and looked at the lawn; as smooth and unmarked as the surface of the Marmite in a brand-new jar. I crouched down and peered under the bushes and again saw nothing. As I stood up I heard a voice behind me “What the hell are you up to you bastard?”

    Thinking quickly I replied “Sorry mate, I dropped a £20 note and the wind blew it over your hedge. I was just looking for it.”

    “OK. That’s alright. Sorry if I was a bit aggressive. It’s just that there are some sick bastards around here. You wouldn’t believe it but some twisted sicko took a dump on my tortoise last night”
    Last edited by Brucelles; 25-04-2008 at 01:56 PM.

    (Thanks Evilmunky)
    Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet intakes.

  7. #390
    BreakBeat Technician gtech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Anor Londo
    Posts
    1,387
    Thanks
    79
    Thanked
    75 times in 59 posts

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    I call my Grandad Spiderman!



    Not because he's got super powers,




    Because he has trouble getting out of the bath.

  8. #391
    Pseudo-Mad Scientist Whiternoise's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Surrey
    Posts
    4,274
    Thanks
    166
    Thanked
    386 times in 233 posts
    • Whiternoise's system
      • Motherboard:
      • DFI LANPARTY JR P45-T2RS
      • CPU:
      • Q6600
      • Memory:
      • 8GB DDR2
      • Storage:
      • 5.6TB Total
      • Graphics card(s):
      • HD4780
      • PSU:
      • 425W Modu82+ Enermax
      • Case:
      • Silverstone TJ08b
      • Operating System:
      • Win7 64
      • Monitor(s):
      • Dell 23" IPS
      • Internet:
      • 1Gbps Fibre Line

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Lady in labour, shouting the usual nonsense, "Get this out of me, give me the drugs" She turns to her boyfriend and says "You did this to me you ******" He replies casually "If you remember, I wanted to stick it somewhere else but you said f off it'll be too painful"

    I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
    He replied, "No, just having a ****."

    If you have sex with a prostitute without her permission, is it rape... or shoplifting?

  9. Received thanks from:

    Blitzen (01-05-2008),hitman67 (06-05-2008)

  10. #392
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    22
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0 times in 0 posts
    • hOtTiGeR's system
      • Motherboard:
      • Asus A8N32-SLi Deluxe
      • CPU:
      • AMD Opteron 144 @ 2.8GHz
      • Memory:
      • G.Skill ZX PC3200 @ 253MHz 3 3 3 8
      • Storage:
      • 150GB WD Raptor, 500GB Hitachi/Seagate, 250GB Maxtor, 200GB Seagate
      • Graphics card(s):
      • ATi X1900XT
      • PSU:
      • Hiper Type R 580W
      • Case:
      • Antec 1080
      • Monitor(s):
      • Hercules Prophetview 17" TFT
      • Internet:
      • BeThere 24Mb

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Zak Edit

    Hottiger walks into a bar and tells a very offensive joke.
    The bar tender goes red around the ears, deletes his post, and pm's him to ask him to pls be less rude and offensive
    Last edited by Zak33; 01-05-2008 at 05:27 PM. Reason: offensive joke removed

  11. #393
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,514
    Thanks
    373
    Thanked
    292 times in 162 posts

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    At the end of a tiny, deserted bar in Liverpool is a huge Scouse bloke, 2 metres tall and 150 kilos with muscles in his breath.

    He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously homosexual man walks in and sits beside him.

    After three or four beers the gay bloke finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Scouser.

    Leaning over towards the Scouser he whispers, 'Do you want a b''w job?'

    At this, the massive Scouser leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face, knocking him swiftly off the stool.

    He proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar before leaving him bruised and battered in the car park, then returns to his seat at the bar.

    Amazed, the barman quickly brings over another beer.

    'I've never seen you react like that', he says. 'Just what did he say to you?'



    'I'm not sure', the big Scouser replies, 'something about a job....'

  12. Received thanks from:

    JK Ferret (29-04-2008),Salazaar (29-04-2008),yamangman (01-05-2008)

  13. #394
    HEXUS.social member finlay666's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Newcastle
    Posts
    8,546
    Thanks
    297
    Thanked
    894 times in 535 posts
    • finlay666's system
      • CPU:
      • 3570k
      • Memory:
      • 16gb
      • Graphics card(s):
      • 6950 2gb
      • Case:
      • Fractal R3
      • Operating System:
      • Windows 8
      • Monitor(s):
      • U2713HM and V222H
      • Internet:
      • cable

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    What's the difference between an prostitute and a washing machine?

    A washing machine doesn't spit your load out
    H3XU5 Social FAQ
    Quote Originally Posted by tiggerai View Post
    I do like a bit of hot crumpet

  14. #395
    Pseudo-Mad Scientist Whiternoise's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Surrey
    Posts
    4,274
    Thanks
    166
    Thanked
    386 times in 233 posts
    • Whiternoise's system
      • Motherboard:
      • DFI LANPARTY JR P45-T2RS
      • CPU:
      • Q6600
      • Memory:
      • 8GB DDR2
      • Storage:
      • 5.6TB Total
      • Graphics card(s):
      • HD4780
      • PSU:
      • 425W Modu82+ Enermax
      • Case:
      • Silverstone TJ08b
      • Operating System:
      • Win7 64
      • Monitor(s):
      • Dell 23" IPS
      • Internet:
      • 1Gbps Fibre Line

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    A man walks into a petrol station and says

    "Can I please have a kitkat chunky".

    The lady behind the till gets him a kitkat chunky and brings it back to him.

    "No" says the man. "I wanted a normal kitkat you fat *****"

    --

    There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

  15. Received thanks from:

    mycarsavw (01-05-2008)

  16. #396
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,514
    Thanks
    373
    Thanked
    292 times in 162 posts

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
    One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.



    If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.



    One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
    'Honey,' she said, 'you
    received a very strange post card today.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.



    On the card was written:











    'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.



    Three with meatballs, two without.



    'Send extra sauce.'

  17. Received thanks from:

    baius (01-05-2008),JK Ferret (01-05-2008)

  18. #397
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,514
    Thanks
    373
    Thanked
    292 times in 162 posts

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    A video this time!


  19. Received thanks from:

    Behemoth (01-05-2008),Dareos (02-05-2008),RoBe (01-05-2008),stevie lee (01-05-2008)

  20. #398
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Cornwall/Weston-Super-Mare
    Posts
    5,337
    Thanks
    438
    Thanked
    308 times in 261 posts
    • Behemoth's system
      • Motherboard:
      • Gigabyte mATX
      • CPU:
      • Phenom 2 X2 555 BE
      • Memory:
      • 8 Gig DDR3 Corsair XMS 3 1600 MHz
      • Storage:
      • 4 TB's Storage
      • Graphics card(s):
      • Gigabyte GTX 460 OC2
      • PSU:
      • OCZ StealthStream 2 600 Watt
      • Case:
      • Silverstone TJ08-E
      • Operating System:
      • Windows 7 64 Bit
      • Monitor(s):
      • HP x23LED
      • Internet:
      • BT Broadband

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Very good sleepyhead

    Did you know that half the UK's population of old people have aids ?







    Hearing aids, walking aids, financial aids.

  21. #399
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,514
    Thanks
    373
    Thanked
    292 times in 162 posts

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    29 LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

    1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
    2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
    3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
    4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
    5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
    6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
    7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
    8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
    9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
    10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
    11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
    12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
    13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
    14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
    15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
    16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
    17. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
    18. Procrastinate Now!
    19. I have a degree in Liberal Arts; do you want fries with that?
    20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
    21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
    22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
    23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
    24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
    25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
    26. Ham and eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
    27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
    28. The original 'point and click interface' was a Smith & Wesson.
    29. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

  22. #400
    Lover & Fighter Blitzen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Between Your Mum & Sister
    Posts
    6,310
    Thanks
    538
    Thanked
    382 times in 300 posts
    • Blitzen's system
      • Motherboard:
      • ABIT iX38 QuadGT
      • CPU:
      • Intel Quad Q6600 @ 3.6Ghz : 30 Degrees Idle - 41-46 Degrees Load
      • Memory:
      • 4 x 1GB OCZ Platinum PC6400 @ 4-4-4-12
      • Storage:
      • 2 x 500GB Samsung Spinpoints - RAID 0
      • Graphics card(s):
      • GTX 285
      • PSU:
      • Enermax MODU 82+ 625W
      • Case:
      • Antec Nine Hundred
      • Operating System:
      • Windows 7 Ultimate 64Bit
      • Monitor(s):
      • Viewsonic Q22wb 22" Widescreen - 5ms
      • Internet:
      • O2 premium @ 17mb

    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Hottiger...look/

    Reported post and hopefully you will get banned. This is the second time you seem to think being disabled is funny in only 20 (pointless) posts.
    If you think that kind of thing is funny then you are a disturbed little person.
    Last edited by Blitzen; 01-05-2008 at 08:08 PM.

  23. Received thanks from:

    mycarsavw (01-05-2008),Zak33 (01-05-2008)

Page 25 of 78 FirstFirst ... 515222324252627283545556575 ... LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •