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Thread: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

  1. #289
    Senior Member kasavien's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread



    combining two of my favourite things, lolcats and monty python
    Last edited by kasavien; 01-04-2008 at 06:05 PM.

  2. #290
    Efficiently lazy shadowmaster's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    After Bill Gates wedding night, his wife finally knew why he called his company Microsoft.

  3. #291
    0iD
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    [Disclaimer] Apologies for the caps, but I just can't be arsed to re-type it... yet again

    A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
    FOOTBALL MATCH WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

    'HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
    IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.'

    HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
    'FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'POWERGEN' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
    I DON'T THINK SO!'

    'FINE!'

    THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
    'WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
    IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT'

    TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
    'FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
    DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'FRIDGIDAIRE'
    WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
    I DON'T THINK SO!'

    'FINE!' SHE SAYS
    'THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
    TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK'

    'I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
    WANT TO FIX STEPS', HE SAYS, 'DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'TAYLOR WOODROW' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
    I DON'T THINK SO! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, I'M GOING TO THE PUB!!!!'

    SO HE GOES TO THE PUB AND DRINKS FOR A
    COUPLE OF HOURS.................

    HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
    HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
    TO GO HOME

    AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
    THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

    AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE
    HALL LIGHT IS WORKING

    AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
    THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

    HONEY, HE ASKS, 'HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?'
    SHE SAID, 'WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
    OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
    HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.'

    HE SAID,
    'SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?'

    SHE REPLIED, 'HELLOOOOO.., DO YOU SEE 'MR KIPLING' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!'
    [
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen
    When I say go, both walk in the opposite direction for 10 paces, draw handbags, then bitch-slap each other!

  4. #292
    Pseudo-Mad Scientist Whiternoise's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread


  5. Received thanks from:

    JK Ferret (02-04-2008),shadowmaster (02-04-2008)

  6. #293
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    What's a s h i tsu?








    One without any animals
    sig removed by Zak33

  7. #294
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by IBM View Post
    What's a s h i tsu?








    One without any animals
    That joke only works out loud.

  8. #295
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    I know, but I figured people on here would work it out. Bright bunch you know
    sig removed by Zak33

  9. #296
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Whiternoise's ftw!

  10. #297
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by schmunk View Post
    That joke only works out loud.
    whats one of these?






















    a dead one of these!
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by MadduckUK View Post
    whats one of these?






















    a dead one of these!

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Your shoelace is undone.











    Aaahaha! Made you look!



    (on closer inspection, these are loafers...)

  13. #300
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by JK Ferret View Post
    Whiternoise's ftw!
    For The rubbishrubbishrubbishrubbish?
    sig removed by Zak33

  14. #301
    0iD
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking,
    one blonde says to the other:
    "Which do you think is farther away .... Florida or the moon?"
    The other blonde turns and says;
    "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......????
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station and tells the
    mechanic that it just died on her.
    After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
    She asks, "So what's the story?"
    He replies, "Just crap in the carburetors"
    She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks very
    nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff,

    "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday
    you take away my license, then today you expect me to show
    it to you!"
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A highway patrolman pulls alongside a speeding car and is
    astounded to see the blonde behind the wheel is knitting!
    As she is oblivious to his flashing blue lights and siren, the
    trooper cranks down his window, turns on his bullhorn and
    yells, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" she yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day.
    The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
    The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
    The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
    The Russian and American looked at each other and shook their heads.
    "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
    To which the Blonde replied,
    "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
    She rolled the dice and she landed on Science and Nature.
    Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls
    your name, can you hear it?"
    She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two
    new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
    The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex
    and one was named Timex.
    Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
    "HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs.
    [
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen
    When I say go, both walk in the opposite direction for 10 paces, draw handbags, then bitch-slap each other!

  15. #302
    Welcome to stampytown! Salazaar's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    A piece of black tarmac walks into a bar and orders a drink. A big red piece of tarmac walks over, knocks the black tarmac to the floor, drinks the drink and walks off. The black tarmac gets up and asks the barman 'what's up with that guy?', the barman replies 'oh, he a bit of a cycle-path'.
    ____
    (='.'=)
    (")_(")

  16. #303
    Senior Member kasavien's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Salazaar View Post
    A piece of black tarmac walks into a bar and orders a drink. A big red piece of tarmac walks over, knocks the black tarmac to the floor, drinks the drink and walks off. The black tarmac gets up and asks the barman 'what's up with that guy?', the barman replies 'oh, he a bit of a cycle-path'.
    damn you!!! i laughed

  17. #304
    Efficiently lazy shadowmaster's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by kasavien View Post
    damn you!!! i laughed
    So did I

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