The all new 'Well Dodgy Joke Thread 09' ... with knobs on!

[0iD]

Thread rules:
1)Jokes only, too much banter & it will be edited.
2)Got a problem with he content of a joke, either report the post or PM me.
3)Use whatever judgement you have as to what is 'dodgy' & what is over the line.
4)'Try' & check for reposts, please. That includes the Dodgy Joke Thread Mk1

[0iD]

(allegedly?)An Australian City Councillor from Adelaide, T. B. BECHTEL, was asked on a live radio phone in programme what he thought about the allegations regarding the torture of suspected terrorists.



His reply:



"If connecting a terrorist prisoner's testicles to an electric device to get the truth out of him and save just one Australian life, then I only have three things to say:

Red is Positive;

Black is Negative;

Make sure his nuts are WET."

[JK Ferret]

1)Jokes only, too much banter & it will be edited.
4)'Try' & check for reposts, please. That includes the Dodgy Joke Thread Mk1

Sorry to jump straight in with a no-joke reply... but #4 is going to be a HUGE order!

*May edit a joke in as soon as I get one

[0iD edit]Why I used the term 'try' & I'll let you off, this time
[JK edit] Why thank you And I wanted to thank just for the edit...

[RoBe]

Explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield.


3.14159265 dead.



badum tishhhh

[handscombmp]

Yets but a couple of proper dodgy jokes in...

Three priests are out taking three choirboys fishing, when the boat starts to sink.
"We've got to save the boys!" screams the first priest.
"F**k the boys!" roars the second.
The third looks nervously at the water flooding the boat and asks "Do you think we've got time?"


A new priest, fresh out the seminary, starts at his first parish and is more than a little nervous, particularly about hearing confession. He mentions this to the retiring priest, who tells him that people will be happy so long as they get the same punishment each time - and gives him a comprehensive list of sins and the required atonement.
For the first few weeks, all goes well; a shopkeeper shortchanges a customer - he assigns 1 Our Father; a lady commits adultery - he assigns 5 Hail Marys. He starts to relax - and then a young woman comes into the confessional, and confesses to giving a stranger a blowjob. The priest looks at the list - and can't find it anywhere. He starts to panic, and opens the door of the confessional, beckoning one of the altar boys over
"Quickly!" he says, "What did the old priest give for a blowjob?"

"A kit-kat" replies the lad.

(If you welsh my jokes end here )
What do you call a welsh person with a sheep under each arm?

A Pimp!

[GoNz0]

[shadowmaster]

Whats the point of this thread? Everyone is going to copy and paste jokes from the last thread Can we also include funny videos, pictures, etc?

[dave87]

6 Truths of Life





1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue.






2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.






3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.






4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.









5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.







6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.



I apologize about this .

I'm an idiot and I needed company ...

[matty-hodgson]

7 dwarves in a shower start feeling happy, happy gets out so they start feeling grumpy instead.

[GoNz0]

[shadowmaster]

[Clunk]

What's green and 3ft high?



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.



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Jade Goody's back garden.

[JK Ferret]

For the immature geeks among you (oh, everyone)... integrate it.

[GhostITM]

Did you hear about the man who killeded a Dugong and didn't care because he thought he would only get a fine, and saided I don't care because I will only get a fine?


A Dugong btw.

He got sented to prison for life by the judge of the court who was in charge of what was happening when they were in court.

Why did that happen I hear you say?

He was convicted of...








...








...






...






...

[Georgy291]

The world has been revolutionised by social networking over the last few years- Bebo, MSN & Twitter to
name a few. It has brought the world closer than ever before.

……but of course, let’s not forget the Middle East!

mygaza and Facehide

-Abdul is – planning a revenge attack on his neighbour

-Mohammed has joined the group – I only get hungry during Ramandan!

-Azeem has joined the group Al-Qaida

-If 1000 Muslims join this group, Aashif will eat a pork sandwich!

-Allah has joined the group – Who gets my technicolour dream coat when I suicide bomb the starbucks!

-Nasheem has sent Baklava a non alcoholic gift.

and so on.

-----------------

- Saddam Hussein has left the group You will never catch me, infidels!

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- Prophet Muhammed's profile picture upload file: myfacecensored.jpg
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- Prophet Muhammed has joined the group: Childrens Tea Parties

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- Prophet Muhammed has been forces into the group: Sex offenders register
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- Prophet Muhammed is a fan of Achmed the Dead Terrorist
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- Aisha has joined the group: Sodomised by an Old Man and Loving It
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- Ahmed has joined the group: Petition to ban christian celebrations in Britain
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- Abu Hamza is currently hooked on porn
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- Mohammed Al Zakawi just raped and poured acid on his daughter for playing with make up
- Nasheeb likes this
- Sheikh Razi likes this
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-Aashir: loves his new brown turban
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Saddam Hussein has changed his status to 'offline'

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Usain has poked you. His hands shall be chopped off as punishment.

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Farid played Bomb the Infidels and won 53 virgins.

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saleem has joined the group 'Liverpool John Moores University'

Saleem is wonderin why wasnt Nasheeb in chemisty class today?
-Azeem has joined the group Al-Qaida
-Five of your friends took the Burka Challenge. 67% of you correctly guessed they were probably male.
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salma is now a fan mass suicide

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Asif has joined the group 'how to bomb people and brainwash people'
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Achmed is now in a relationship with ; Sunita, Fatima, Asiya, Haleema and Nawal.

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Udiz joined the Group 'Pimp My Cave'

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Mahmood has joined the group ' i don't drink alcohol myself but I will sell you some for very nice price'

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Farzan Mahmood Allah al Zakawi-Mohammed al SimSimSallahBim al Jihad thinks that forms should have more space for his surname.

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Sheikh Mohammed bin Al Arabashid has edited his Political Views to Extreme Jihad
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Osama Bin Laden Networks: Underground Tunnel System, Afghanistan

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Waseem Aslam has changed his/her status to Away (on a suicide mission, leave me stuff xx)

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Ali Akbar added a video '3 Americans and an axe'

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Ahmed Al Jahal Muhammed Ibrahim has changed his relationship status to 5 wives and 3 girlfriends. The fourth is complicated.

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Fatima joined the secret group "My middle yeast infection really gets my goat"

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Ahmed Akbal is attending the event 'suicide bombing'

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Muhammed poked a goat.

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Abdul joined the group 'Why bother washing your underpants'

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Ahmed Salif has uploaded new photos to the "Flying Lessons" album.

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Ibrahim Mahirza has flown a plane into your SuperWall.

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Nasheem has sent Baklava a gift of a haversack, (don't leave this one on the bus like last time!)

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Asif has joined the group 'Good looking pakis'

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Abdul joined the group "Kill all those who think Islam is a violent religion!"

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Saleem has joined the group "Ninja Appreciation"

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Status: Sadam Hussain is hanging with Allah

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Mustafa joined the group "I'd leave my wife for a camel...AGAIN!"

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Hajimal has just taken the 'What hot hot spice are you?' Quiz

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Imran Mujafi was tagged in the photo "F.B.I Most Wanted List"

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Amir Ali Akbar joined the group "Me and some mates went to Afghanistan but ended up in Guantanamo Bay"

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Akhtar Al Muhajir wrote on Imran Muhammed Jahal's wall: "Yes it very nice my friend, but you sure you can walk into building undetected?"

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Sheik Mehru Umallah bin Ahmed III is leaving Iran and moving to a council house in Bradford on tuesday!

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Osama Bin Laden joined the group - who loves hide and seek?

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Welcome, Osama. You have 2 new friend requests from George W. Bush and Tony Blair.

[Whiternoise]

Physics as girlfriends

0. Newtonian gravity is your high-school girlfriend. As your first encounter with physics, she's amazing. You will never forget Newtonian gravity, even if you're not in touch very much anymore.

1. Electrodynamics is your college girlfriend. Pretty complex, you probably won't date long enough to really understand her.

2. Special relativity is the girl you meet at the dorm party while you're dating electrodynamics. You make out. It's not really cheating because it's not like you call her back. But you have a sneaking suspicion she knows electrodynamics and told her everything.

3. Quantum mechanics is the girl you meet at the poetry reading. Everyone thinks she's really interesting and people you don't know are obsessed about her. You go out. It turns out that she's pretty complicated and has some issues. Later, after you've broken up, you wonder if her aura of mystery is actually just confusion.

4. General relativity is your high-school girlfriend all grown up. Man, she is amazing. You sort of regret not keeping in touch. She hates quantum mechanics for obscure reasons.

5. Quantum field theory is from overseas, but she doesn't really have an accent. You fall deeply in love, but she treats you horribly. You are pretty sure she's fooling around with half of your friends, but you don't care. You know it will end badly.

6. Cosmology is the girl that doesn't really date, but has lots of hot friends. Some people date cosmology just to hang out with her friends.

7. Analytical classical mechanics is a bit older, and knows stuff you don't.

8. String theory is off in her own little world. She is either profound or insane. If you start dating, you never see your friends anymore. It's just string theory, 24/7.