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Thread: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

  1. #193
    SiM
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

    The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"

    "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

    "Great, can I try it?"

    "Sure."

    First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."

    The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

    "Done" says the genie and disappears.

    A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through
    the bar door.

    "I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

    The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

  2. #194
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    as long as you arent rickrolling us sim i dont mind at all. cant speak for all though
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

  3. #195
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by MadduckUK View Post
    a+ liked. kept me guessing till the last sentence (to both actually)
    I found the funniest joke site ever! I think I have posted all the good ones though... except this:

    Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

    "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

    "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

    "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

    "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped you know, my tool to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show up and embarrass me."

    "Sensible" says Jeff.

    "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

    "And what happened then?" Asked Jeff

    "I kicked her in the face."

  4. #196
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by SiM View Post
    A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

    The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?"

    "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

    "Great, can I try it?"

    "Sure."

    First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."

    The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

    "Done" says the genie and disappears.

    A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through
    the bar door.

    "I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

    The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"
    these are well done to keep then above board.. i like that
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

  5. #197
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by MadduckUK View Post
    as long as you arent rickrolling us sim i dont mind at all. cant speak for all though
    what does rickrolling mean?

  6. #198
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    imagine a link to YouTube - RickRoll'D but you have to click through the whole song (or kill browser) to get rid of it
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

  7. #199
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?"

    She replied, "no sir!"

    So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, "Did you like that?"

    "Oh, indeed I did, sir!" she replied

    The second man went out to her and asked, "Mermaid, have you ever had your breasts fondled?"

    "No sir," she replied. So he set to and fondled and caressed and then asked, "How did you like that?"

    She replied," It was most pleasurable, sir."

    The third fellow approached and asked," Mermaid, have you ever been screwed?"

    "No sir," she replied.

    He said, "Well you have been now, the tide's gone out!"

  8. #200
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by MadduckUK View Post
    imagine a link to YouTube - RickRoll'D but you have to click through the whole song (or kill browser) to get rid of it
    In that case look here

  9. #201
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    dammit i thaught that would be a reference to lack of ladybits
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

  10. #202
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by SiM View Post
    In that case look here
    oh my god thats amazing.. i dont think i could carry on in life if i didnt click that link! bit of baiting never hurt
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

  11. #203
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    The Priest & His Cock

    The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out behind the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.

    One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing, and because the priest had heard that cock fights occurred in the village, he decided to question his parishioners about it at church the next morning.

    At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"

    All the men stood up.

    "No, No, " he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

    All the women stood up.

    "No, No", he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

    Half the women stood up.

    "No, No", he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"

    All the nuns, and the two priests stood up.

  12. #204
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Mike worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.

    He had an urge to stick his organ into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Mike indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

    One day a few weeks later, Mike came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

    "What's wrong, Mike?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my organ into the pickle slicer?"

    "Oh, Mike, you didn't."

    "Yes, I did."

    "My God, Mike, what happened?"

    "I got fired."

    "No, Mike. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

    "Oh...she got fired too."

  13. #205
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    take the cock rooster out and just call it a cock. it seems like trying to hard... my god im judging jokes

    edit: iv heard that one before but slightly different so the punchline still worked.. **** im doing it again!
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
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  14. #206
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Some things you just can't explain

    A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"

    Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that's so horrible?

    Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.

    Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.

    Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.

    Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can't explain.

    Man: So, what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in... Some things you just can't explain.

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    A cop stops his patrol car when he sees this and his girlfriend sitting on the curb. This guy is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

    The cop says, "What the hell is going on?"

    The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

    The cop says, "That's not going to make him puke."

    She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."


  16. #208
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by SiM View Post
    A cop stops his patrol car when he sees this and his girlfriend sitting on the curb. This guy is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

    The cop says, "What the hell is going on?"

    The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

    The cop says, "That's not going to make him puke."

    She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."

    nah that one doesnt work
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

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