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Thread: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

  1. #513
    Squirrely tigerboyce's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    hahaha, she doesn't look as if she minds though...

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    I dunno how appropriate this is, but does anyone else think that Thabo Mbeki, looks remarkably like the Burger King..?



  3. #515
    Tech-ignorant Factoid
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Whiternoise View Post
    Thabo Mbeki
    Who?

    I don't... there's a distinct lack of crown on the left-hand dude, and a similar lack of body on the right.

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Lol, he's the South African President/PM person

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7491538.stm

    Ah, but give him a crown..

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Sorry, don't see it.

  6. #518
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    hmm this may be even more inappropriate, but...


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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a story-tale myth. I'm a one-wish genie." The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony." The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! Don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please make it a bit more reasonable." The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time and is faithful. That's what I wish for, a good mate." The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said, "Let me see that map again..."

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    Chillie in here j.o.s.h.1408's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball."
    "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"
    ***********************************************************************************
    A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.
    The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
    The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
    The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."
    Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
    ************************************************************************************
    How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
    Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
    *****************************************************************************
    If you can touch it and you can see it, it's REAL.
    If you can touch it but you can't see it, it's TRANSPARENT.
    If you can't touch it but you can see it, it's VIRTUAL.
    If you can't touch it and you can't see it, it's GONE.
    *********************************************************************************
    Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
    ************************************************************
    The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.
    The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to the boy: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
    The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."

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  12. #521
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

    A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

    Q. What's a mixed feeling?

    A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

    Q What's the height of conceit?

    A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

    Q. What's the definition of macho?

    A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

    Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

    A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

    Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

    A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

    Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

    A. Because it's worth it!

    Q. What is a Yankee?

    A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

    A. They both like a tight seal.

    Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

    A. Their balls are just for decoration.

    Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?

    A. About three inches.

    Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

    A. The grip.

    Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

    A. It's not hard.

    Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

    A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

    Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

    A: 45 pounds.

    Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

    A: 45 minutes.

    Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

    A: Breasts don't have eyes.

    Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

    A. The swallow.

    Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

    A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

    Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

    A: They don't have balls to scratch!

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Why was the washing machine laughing ?


    ...... cause it was taking the piss out of pants - haA!

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by sleepyhead View Post
    Q. What's a mixed feeling?

    A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.!
    Haha.. good one.. ..

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    There are 2 men in a pub, one of whom owns a dog which he claims is a qualified blacksmith. The other man naturally doesn't believe him and asks him to prove it.

    The dog's owner holds a match under the dogs testicles and the dog makes a bolt for the door!

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  18. #525
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car.

    It later turned out to be a tax disc.



    '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

    A Liverpudlian Primary School teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.

    She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are Liverpool fans.

    Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

    The teacher Looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your Hand?'

    'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.

    The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not an Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?'

    'I am a Man Utd fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.

    The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Man Utd fan?'

    'Because my mum is a Man Utd fan, and my dad is a Man Utd fan, so I'm a Man Utd fan too!'

    'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Man Utd fan.

    You don't have to be just like your parents all Of the time.

    What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug Addict, what would you be then?'

    'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.'


    '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

    A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.

    The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got One in from a very wealthy man who wants a
    chauffeur/bodyguard for his Nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The salary package is £200,000 a year'.

    The Scouser said 'You're bullsh!tting me!'

    The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'

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  20. #526
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    A Short Love Story

    A man and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Transcontinental train.

    Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly..... He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

    At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

    "I have a better idea," she replied . "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

    "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

    "Good," she replied. "Get your own f***ing blanket."

    After a moment of silence, he farted.

    The End

  21. #527
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.

    The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

    "What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me. I'm celebrating."



    "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.

    "What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"

    "My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

    "What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."

    "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"

    "I switched cocks," he replied.

    She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

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  23. #528
    Chillie in here j.o.s.h.1408's Avatar
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