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Duly chastised
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
Brilliant shadowmaster, actually made me laugh.
QFT i was laughing aswell!Originally Posted by dave87
A man is sitting on a train next to a woman. He sneezes, calmy take out his willy, wipes it in a tissue and calmly puts it away again. The woman sat next to him is utterly grossed out by this but assumes it's a one off.
She amazed to see him do it again, and again, and again.
Enraged now, she finally says something.
"Thats 10 times in the last hour I've seen you sneeze, take out your penis, and wipe it ina tissue and put it away again"
The man looks at her and says
"Oh I'm very sorry if I've offended you but I have a very rare condition, that every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm. I'm on medication for it"
She feels a bit silly now
"Oh I'm sorry to have said anything, but what medication are you taking for this condition ?"
Smiling, the man replies
"Pepper!"
Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread
Please read the name of this thread.
I almost laughed - it was that funny... (No, I did laugh, v. funny.)
Yes, 'Well Dodgy' but not 'Obscenely Dodgy enough to cause serious offence and and maybe prompt a few complaints'
A line has to be drawn somewhere
Last edited by JK Ferret; 28-02-2008 at 02:08 AM.
It's all sorted and everyone is happy.
There's dodgy, well dodgy and then there's a joke too far over the line, which is why it was pulled.
Normal service is up and running and on with the jokes.
Two tramps were walking along a train line. The first one says, "two days ago I was walking along here and I found a dead dog. I had breakfast, lunch and dinner. It was great."
To which the second tramp replied, "That's nothing. Last week I was walking along here and I met a woman. I took her behind that bush and we had sex for three days."
The first one says in amazement, "Wow did you get a blowjob?"
And the second replies, "No I couldn't find the head."
Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread
Fair point - I shall acquiesce, and not crack any "obscenely dodgy" jokes (bob comes to mind) myself...Yes, 'Well Dodgy' but not 'Obscenely Dodgy enough to cause serious offence and and maybe prompt a few complaints'
A line has to be drawn somewhere
Have a very nice day...
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to shout at them. Some are over-sensitive and there's nothing worse than an over-sensitive woman.
My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Julie. When I took early retirement last year, it became necessary for Julie to get a full-time job for the extra income that we need.
Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I now usually get home from the pub about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she nearly always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't shout at her, instead I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch at the pub so eating out again is out of the question; I'm ready for some home cooked food when I get home.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's usual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of ageing is complaining. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to do the shopping during her lunch hour. But we take them for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then won't hurt her. I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She has to take a rest when she has only half finished mowing the lawn and several extra breaks when she's vacuuming through the house. It does annoy me, vacuuming when I'm trying to watch 'Match of the Day', but I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to make herself a nice cup of tea and just sit for a while, and as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Julie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your ageing wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other, eh?
NOTE:
Ron died suddenly last week. He was found with a 24-inch Stanley screwdriver rammed up his arse with only 2 inches showing.
His wife Julie was arrested, but the all-woman jury accepted her defence that he accidentally sat on it.
[
LOL that was hilarous. i had to read the ending again as i was abit slow in figuring it out LOL does anybody have anymore jokes to lighten the day
Why do men die first
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries. But, now we know.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy.
If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you ... it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks ... it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet ... it's male indifference.
If you cry ... you're a wimp.
If you don't ... you're insensitive.
If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you ... she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination.
If SHE asks you ... it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert.
If you don't ... you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist.
If you don't ... you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you're vain.
If you don't ... you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers ... you're after something.
If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself.
If you don't ... you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache ... she's tired.
If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often ... you're oversexed.
If you don't ... there must be someone else.
Bottom Line: Men die first because they want to.
The sad thing about that last joke is that it is becoming ever more the norm in today's societyStupid nanny state and the PC Brigade
Time's like these, it's lucky we have jokes like these to keep our spirits up
What do fat birds and mopeds have in common ?
They are fun to ride till your mates find out.
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Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread
