The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

[TAKTAK]

http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=536957

lol pwned

edit: that does look... very, very harsh though...

[sleepyhead]

Man goes to the doctor for a check up.
"You're going to have to stop pleasuring yourself" says the doc.
"Oh no, really?" says the chap "why?"
"Because I'm trying to examine you, and it's really putting me off"

[Nick]

A bloke walks into the doctors with a MASSIVE swollen lump on the side of his nose.

The doctor looks at him and says "Blimey, what's that!"

The bloke answers "Believe it or not, I've got a cricket all stuck up my nostril"

"How's that?"

"Don't YOU bloody start!"

[shadowmaster]

Irish Crossword

Paddy was stuck on the News of the World crossword, one of those annoying double-barrelled answers and he just couldn't suss the right answer.

"Mick, can you help me mate?" he asked.

"Whassup Paddy?" said Mick...

"Help me out mate" said Paddy "what's the answer to this - six lettered first word, seven lettered second word, and the clue is 'a flightless bird from Iceland'.

Mick took a few seconds to come up with the solution, turned to Paddy and said...


Frozen chicken

[Dareos]

Back to Billy Connolly

2 Laplanders doing a crossword, and Paddy says to Mick.... the clue is, Old MacDonald had one....

Mick said, oh thats easy, Farm

aye, says Paddy, how do you spell that then?

umm, im no sure, but i think its E I E I O

[Blitzen]

I didn't see that one coming

Because if you find being mentally handicapped funny then you are THICK enough to find anything funny.

Strange this how you can accept and laugh about handicapped people but if any tells PAKI jokes then the 'right on' squad leap in.

Some of the admins here have their priorities VERY wrong! (or just dont give a **** depending on who it is - some do turn a blind eye)

[mediaboy]

Blitzen: Same whole world over.

It's not going to change much at any rate, unless all english/european people get thrown out of England.

Give it a few years.

[TAKTAK]

Because if you find being mentally handicapped funny then you are THICK enough to find anything funny.

well i wasn't laughing at the mentally handicapped part at all... i was laughing at the unexpected outcome to the joke...

Strange this how you can accept and laugh about handicapped people but if any tells PAKI jokes then the 'right on' squad leap in.

unforutunatly that is true, personally i don't see a reason why you can't, after all, theres always lots of catholoic/irish/welsh/blonde/french/englishman-irishman-scotsman jokes going about... so why can't there be pakistani/lithuanian/polish/tibetan/other taboo, jokes aswell? without there being a moral uproar....

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My ex-girlfriend says that I spoilt her and that I've ruined her for other men.

In fairness, I did throw acid in her face.

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I slept through the alarm this morning, good thing it was only a small fire.

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Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "F*** off, you won't bring it back."

[Nick]

Some of the admins here have their priorities VERY wrong! (or just dont give a **** depending on who it is - some do turn a blind eye)

Come on, that's not true. We did everything to get a satisfactory resolution for you last time.

If you'd like to PM me the post in question then we'll look at it, just as before.

I've scanned through the last four pages of this thread and can't find what you're referencing so ping me the post and we'll deal with it.

[stevie lee]

Signs that you are getting old:

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

When happy hour is a nap.

When tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.

When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.

When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

When you have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.

When you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

When you stop buying green bananas.

When you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

When you were in school there was no history class!

When your birth certificate says expired on it.

When you're told to act your own age, and you die.

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

You are 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

You burn the midnight oil until 9:00 P.M.

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.

You don't remember being absent minded.

You don't remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.

You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

You get exercise acting as a pallbearer for friends who exercise.

You get winded playing chess.

You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

You just can't stand people who are intolerant.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."

You look both ways before crossing a room.

You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.

You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You sink your teeth into a steak ...and they stay there.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

You start video taping daytime game shows.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You turn off the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.

Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.

Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

Your pacemaker raises the garage door when you see a pretty girl go by.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

[chuckskull]

EDIT: Damn you stevie.

[stevie lee]

there was this train with a full carriage and a man stood opposite this 'ample' woman.. the journey was running along smoothly until the train lurched to a halt.. naturally the man stuck out both his hands to stop himself falling over, both of which planted themselves firmly onto the womans breasts..

after a short while the woman said to the man, "excuse me, would you mind moving your hands".. to which the man did - he moved them in a circular direction..


from my mate alan..

[Blitzen]

Come on, that's not true. We did everything to get a satisfactory resolution for you last time.

If you'd like to PM me the post in question then we'll look at it, just as before.

I've scanned through the last four pages of this thread and can't find what you're referencing so ping me the post and we'll deal with it.

You are right Nick and i am sorry for the comment. (about the adminning....not the rest)
YGPM......it P3 btw.

[Whiternoise]

Because if you find being mentally handicapped funny then you are THICK enough to find anything funny.

Strange this how you can accept and laugh about handicapped people but if any tells PAKI jokes then the 'right on' squad leap in.

Some of the admins here have their priorities VERY wrong! (or just dont give a **** depending on who it is - some do turn a blind eye)

Two points about this one.

1. I apologise if i offended anyone, but well, it's the Well Dodgy joke thread and it wasn't exactly a malicious joke - there have been worse in this thread. I mean, there are jokes that are obviously offensive and i don't think that was one of them. It could quite easily have been a blonde, Irish, American, etc joke. And it's very easy just to read it as making a joke about the girl being stupid for getting married in the first place.

2. PC is a debatable one. The thing about comedy is that it's not supposed to be PC. It's making the best out of a bad situation, good jokes are not intentionally harsh to anyone, it's the way you think about them. It's why Ali G gets away with lots of the stuff he does, it's extremely offensive if you look at it from a certain point of view, but it's all a matter of perception.

3. The joke that got deleted before was blatantly meant to be offensive towards the race in question.

Nick, here's the joke:

(removed by Nick, seen it now)

Personally i have read a lot worse, and i don't think it's that offensive. The post is http://forums.hexus.net/general-disc...ml#post1453276 and if you want to delete it go ahead. As above though, i think i have a reasonable argument for it staying though, and if anyone wanted to get rid of it, there's a little exclamation mark for doing just that.

(I presume this was to do with this joke)

[monkeyville]

My girlfriend likes to be treated like a princess so i put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove it into a wall.....

[Blitzen]

Personally i have read a lot worse, and i don't think it's that offensive.

Lets see that if (god forbid) in the future, you have a mentally handicapped child, if you think there 'is worse' and that you 'wont find it offensive'!

I guarantee you will and i find your comment that either of a child or an idiot without any kind of compassion.

I dont FOR ONE SECOND hope that anything like this EVER affects your family but if it does, the penny may drop that its just not funny (to people that have a thought process anyway).

As far as it being the 'Well Dodgy Joke Thread', do you really think that it gives you an open forum to have a go at mentally impaired people.
If you think thats the case then you really are lacking in any kind of social way.
If or when the ADMINS decide to comment on this is sincerely hope they agree that your joke wasnt dodgy....it was in VERY bad taste. I am surised that someone such as yourself can be that insensitive and infantile.

Trust me, if you spent just an hour in my shoes (caring for my daughter), you wouldnt feel i was being 'over sensitive'.
I am actually 100% sure you would think you 'joke' was as pathetic as i think it is.