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About LinkBacksI'm ashamed, but I lol'dOriginally Posted by Mblaster
I'm ashamed, but I lol'd
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I saw a guy in the bar last night, chatting up a cheetah
I think he was trying to pull a fast one....
(Tim Vine)
We're only here for the Banter - The Luvvies - Chewin' The Fat
Violence and Lubrication is the solution to fixing everything, if it still doesn't work, you need more lubrication.
nice
What's the difference between men and women?
Women must play hard to get; men must get hard to play!
What do you call a lawyer was an IQ of 50?
You Honor
Why did the blond lay out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?
She wanted to get a dark tan.
What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
An Italian suppository.
Did you hear about the blonde virgin who wasn't upset about losing her cherry?
She figured she could always get a new one, since she still had the box it came in.
What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
If you throw a load in a washing machine, it doesn't follow you around for 3 days.
Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
So she could lip read.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
"Just flush it like everybody else does."
Hear about the blonde explorer?
She bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.
How can you tell if the blonde is a nurse?
She can make a patient without disturbing the bed.
What does a blonde have in common with the United States Army?
They're open to any man between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five.
A termite walks into a bar and asks, where is the bar tender?
Why do you live like a NUN after you get married?
NUN in the morning, NUN in the afternoon, NUN in the
evening, NUN what so ever!
Bob Geldof, Ozzy osbourne and Gary Glitter are on the Titanic as it's going down. "Save the children" shouts Bob. Ozzy exclaims "f*ck the children". Glitter replies "But do we have time!?"
Potentially a bit too far, but it is an old joke.....
A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with Him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely..
Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my
butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere.
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'
Clearing his throat, he stammered .... 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.... that was me.'
I found it funny anyway...
Last edited by handscombmp; 02-03-2009 at 05:57 PM.
Hmm, there seems to be less dodgy in here.
Let me put that straight with a nice little poem..
*WARNING* Contains epic amounts of dodgy *WARNING*
In the Garden of Eden,
As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
Without any clothes.
In this garden,
Were two little leaves,
One covered Adam's,
One covered Eve's.
As the story goes on,
Never the less to say,
The wind came along,
And blew the leaves away.
At the sight,
Adam did stare,
There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair.
And wonder came,
Under Eve's eyes,
As Adam's thing,
Started to rise.
They found a spot,
That suited them best,
A nice big tree,
Where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider,
And wider apart,
While thrill after thrill,
Came into her heart.
The head of Adam's thing,
Peeked into the hole,
And filled her with passion,
Beyond her control.
Backward and forward,
His thing did slide,
And Eve's treasure,
Was all wet inside.
The joy was good,
She wouldn't let loose,
Until Adam's thing,
Was all out of juice.
Then down through the years,
People did screw,
And now it is time,
For me and you.
So pull down your pants,
And lay in the grass,
Cause I'm in the mood,
For a piece of that ASS!
samcross (02-03-2009)
After an evening out, Roger was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at three o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time of night?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Roger grimly.
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