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One day, a tramp is walking along when he hears something in the distance. As he gets closer, he realises that it's somebody's voice. As he gets closer still, he begins to hear what they're saying: "Help, help!". He looks around, trying to find the source of the cry, until he looks at the frozen lake.
There, in the middle, he finds a little girl has fallen through the ice, and is desperately trying to get out. The tramp runs over, and slips and slides towards the girl. He helps her out the freezing cold water as her father comes running over.
He says, "Thank you so much for saving my daughter's life! If there's anything I can do to repay you, name it and it'll be yours!".
The tramp thinks for a moment, and says, "Well, I'm a tramp, you see. I don't have much by the way of money."
The father replies, "No problem. Here, I only have ten pounds on me at the moment, but I'd be happy to go back to the house and give you a proper reward."
"No, no!" insists the tramp, "Ten pounds is more than enough!". With that, the father bundles his little girl into the car, thanks the tramp again, and drives home.
The tramp wanders around beside the lake, wondering what to do with the ten pounds. "Ten pounds!" he thinks, "I've never even had ten pounds at the same time before." After some careful thinking, he decides that the best use of the money would be to go on holiday.
With that, he goes to the high street and walks into the first travel agents he can find. He sits down with the travel agent, who casts a suspicious eye on him. He declares, "I'd like to go on holiday!". When prompted with his budget, the tramp replies that he has ten pounds to blow.
"Ten pounds?" says the travel agent. "There certainly aren't any holidays for ten pounds - you must be joking!"
The tramp, though, is determined to go on holiday, and pleads with the travel agent to look anyway. Eventually, she relents, and begins to search online and through the catalogues. Eventually, she finds something suitable - a super-economy, hyper-budget round-the-world cruise.
"I'll take it!" says the tramp triumphantly.
As the weeks pass and the first day of the cruise approaches, the tramp can do nothing but think about the adventures he'll have - the thought of boarding the ship consumes every waking moment he has, and most of the sleeping ones too.
Eventually, the big day comes. As he approaches the dock, he can see an enormous queue of people, all waiting to go on board. The captain is there at the front, shaking every passenger by the hand and welcoming them. The tramp joins the queue and, inch by inch, gets closer to the ship. As he gets to the front, he shows his ticket, to which the captain says, "I'm sorry sir - this is a super-economy, hyper-budget ticket. You'll have to wait until the other passengers are on board first."
Fortunately, the tramp is so pleased to be going on holiday, he's happy to wait. As he watches the others board the ship, his mind once again wanders off to thoughts of how much he's going to enjoy the journey. Just as he's in the middle of a day dream, the captain brings him back to reality by saying, "Excuse me, sir. You can come on board now."
The captain leads him aboard the ship, and through the decks of the ship. They pass through first class, with four inch thick carpets and picture frames lined with gold. He notices the three inch thick carpets and silver plated pictures in second class, while third class makes do with two inch thick carpets. As they descend lower still, they pass through the kitchen, past the great engines, to the very bottom of the ship.
Here, the captain opens a dull, grey door to show a damp, dark little room. Water drips from the ceiling, and all that can be heard is the roar of the engines. The tramp is ecstatic, however - this is the first time he's ever had a room to sleep in.
The captain explains, "Now, due to having a super-economy, hyper-budget ticket, I'm afraid you'll only be able to enjoy the luxuries of the ship after the other passengers have returned to bed." The tramp isn't bothered, and is simply happy to be able to enjoy those luxuries at all.
As the days go by, the tramp tries out what the ship has to offer - he eats in the different restaurants, plays snooker, watches films, and enjoys himself no end.
One night, he decides to visit the swimming pool. He climbs up the ladder to the very top, and dives into the pool. The captain, who happened to watching, approaches the tramp, saying, "My goodness! That was the best piece of diving that I've ever seen! Are you some sort of professional?"
The tramp replies, "No, not at all. In fact, that's the first time that I've ever even been in a swimming pool."
The captain thinks for a moment, and says, "In that case, you must have incredible natural talent. Tell you what - practise for two weeks, and then you start putting on a show for the passengers of this ship. You can earn your keep with us."
The tramp accepts immediately, overjoyed at the thought of finally having a job. For two weeks, he does nothing but practise, slowly perfecting his dive.
For the two days before his first performance, the crew builds the ladder for the spectacular event.
Eventually, the big day comes. All the members of the ship are there - the captain, his crew, the passengers - all have come to see this fantastic feat. The tramp grabs the ladder and begins climbing. Up and up, towards the sky, until the passengers become but small dots. He climbs higher still, until he can hardly see the ship. Still, he carries on, up through the ozone layer, until he can see the Earth as though it were a marble. He continues climbing, up past Mars and the asteroid belt, past the gas giants, past Pluto until he reaches the very edge of the solar system.
And then... he jumps! He passes Pluto and the gas giants, zooms past the asteroid belt and Mars, and hurtles towards the Earth. He speeds towards the ship, and lands perfectly back into the pool. The crowd go wild - this is unlike anything they've seen before!
But the tramp doesn't stop - he reaches the bottom of the pool, and smashes through. He crashes through first class, with its gold lined pictures and thick carpets, through second and third class. He passes the kitchen and the engines and his damp, dark little room. He penetrates the hull of the ship, continuing onward until he reaches the very bottom of the ocean.
He struggles for breath, but, amazingly, just manages to make it back to the ship. The crowd are astonished - this was a feat like no other. They can't contain themselves, cheering and applauding the tramp.
The captain walks over and says, "Wow, that was simply phenomenal! But I've got to know - how on earth did you survive?"
The tramp smiles, and explains, "Well, I'm a tramp you see. I've been through many a hard ship."
Originally Posted by mike_w
