The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

[sleepyhead]

I got this one through work email and I lol'd big style.



A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.

"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men"

"What's your name?" she asked.

He said "B.J. Titsengolf"

[0iD]

Got a rofl from me!

[SiM]

[sleepyhead]

I dunno why I find it funny but I do...

[Higgs Boson]

have you tried the new Korean meatballs?
they are the dogs boll*x!

Higgs.....out!

[RS2000]

Do you remember that day we were on the train, you stuck your head out of the window. I stuck my ar$e out the window, & every one thought we were twins.

[JK Ferret]

NSFW 1
Similar train of thought, but opposite
NSFW 2






Yes Platinum if you read this, they are stolened

[TAKTAK]

NSFW 1
Similar train of thought, but opposite
NSFW 2

is that Admiral Ackbar i can hear?

yes... i think it is...

[Salazaar]

A young attractive guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check He marched straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

The social worker behind the counter said, ' Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.

This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.'

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, ' You're bull****in' me!




The social worker said, ' Yeah, well. You started it.'

[Nick]

Guys, watch the NSFW stuff... swearing, links to stuff that contains swearing, nudity, swear filter avoidance etc isn't allowed.

Don't make me go through and edit this thread... just use your common sense.

Peace out.

[Salazaar]

Sorry! To be honest I didn't even notice it in there.

[Nick]

Sal, my post wasn't aimed at you specifically, it was for everyone.

[sleepyhead]

Oh my, another classic coming round work email...

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.

His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?'

'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.


Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.



To which he whirled around and screamed



'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP!'

[JK Ferret]

Guys, watch the NSFW stuff... swearing, links to stuff that contains swearing, nudity, swear filter avoidance etc isn't allowed.

Don't make me go through and edit this thread... just use your common sense.

Peace out.

Aw Just found a link that I'm sure is somewhat relevant in the run up to xmas (yes I have seen people getting the decorations out already) and wanted to post it here because I'll have lost it by december.

Unfortunately, there is a LOT of swearing in it (hint: kevin wilson song, it would be)

[samcross]

This is a radio conversation that took place in 1995 between Canadian authorities and a US Navy Aircraft Carrier:

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[0iD]

A crusty old man walks into the local Church and says to the secretary, 'I would like to join this damn church.'

The astonished woman replies, 'I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?'

'Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!'

'I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not
tolerated in this church.'

The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, 'Sir, what seems to be the problem here?'

There is no damn problem,' the man says. 'I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and ! ! ! I wan t to join this damn church to ! get rid of some of this damn money. '

'I see,' said the pastor. 'And is this bitch giving you a hard time?'