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Thread: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

  1. #721
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    I got this one through work email and I lol'd big style.



    A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.

    She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.

    "That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"

    "No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men"

    "What's your name?" she asked.

    He said "B.J. Titsengolf"

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Got a rofl from me!
    [
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen
    When I say go, both walk in the opposite direction for 10 paces, draw handbags, then bitch-slap each other!

  4. #723
    SiM
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread


  5. #724
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread



    I dunno why I find it funny but I do...
    Last edited by sleepyhead; 08-10-2008 at 04:19 PM. Reason: Forgetful...

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    have you tried the new Korean meatballs?
    they are the dogs boll*x!

    Higgs.....out!

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Do you remember that day we were on the train, you stuck your head out of the window. I stuck my ar$e out the window, & every one thought we were twins.
    "God is as real as I am,” the old man said.
    I was relieved since I knew Santa wouldn’t lie to me ...

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    NSFW 1
    Similar train of thought, but opposite
    NSFW 2






    Yes Platinum if you read this, they are stolened

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by JK Ferret View Post
    is that Admiral Ackbar i can hear?

    yes... i think it is...
    Post Counts and Other Rewards, Rules, Folding@Home, Fans: Push vs Pull vs Push-Pull, Corsair PSU OEMs.

    Quote Originally Posted by razer121 View Post
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    TAKTAK.co.uk

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    A young attractive guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check He marched straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

    The social worker behind the counter said, ' Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.

    This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.'

    The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, ' You're bull****in' me!




    The social worker said, ' Yeah, well. You started it.'
    ____
    (='.'=)
    (")_(")

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  13. #730
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Guys, watch the NSFW stuff... swearing, links to stuff that contains swearing, nudity, swear filter avoidance etc isn't allowed.

    Don't make me go through and edit this thread... just use your common sense.

    Peace out.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dareos View Post
    "OH OOOOHH oOOHHHHHHHOOHHHHHHH FILL ME WITH YOUR.... eeww not the stuff from the lab"

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Sorry! To be honest I didn't even notice it in there.
    ____
    (='.'=)
    (")_(")

  16. #732
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Sal, my post wasn't aimed at you specifically, it was for everyone.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dareos View Post
    "OH OOOOHH oOOHHHHHHHOOHHHHHHH FILL ME WITH YOUR.... eeww not the stuff from the lab"

  17. #733
    Zzzzzzz sleepyhead's Avatar
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Oh my, another classic coming round work email...

    An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.

    His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

    As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?'

    'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

    While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.


    Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

    As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

    'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.



    To which he whirled around and screamed



    'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP!'

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Nick View Post
    Guys, watch the NSFW stuff... swearing, links to stuff that contains swearing, nudity, swear filter avoidance etc isn't allowed.

    Don't make me go through and edit this thread... just use your common sense.

    Peace out.
    Aw Just found a link that I'm sure is somewhat relevant in the run up to xmas (yes I have seen people getting the decorations out already) and wanted to post it here because I'll have lost it by december.

    Unfortunately, there is a LOT of swearing in it (hint: kevin wilson song, it would be)

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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    This is a radio conversation that took place in 1995 between Canadian authorities and a US Navy Aircraft Carrier:

    US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

    CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

    US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

    CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

    US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

    CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

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  22. #736
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    Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

    A crusty old man walks into the local Church and says to the secretary, 'I would like to join this damn church.'

    The astonished woman replies, 'I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?'

    'Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!'

    'I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not
    tolerated in this church.'

    The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.

    They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, 'Sir, what seems to be the problem here?'

    There is no damn problem,' the man says. 'I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and ! ! ! I wan t to join this damn church to ! get rid of some of this damn money. '

    'I see,' said the pastor. 'And is this bitch giving you a hard time?'
    [
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen
    When I say go, both walk in the opposite direction for 10 paces, draw handbags, then bitch-slap each other!

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